When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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