i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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