You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
