I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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