i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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