he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
