my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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