Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
