Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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