sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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