Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Terrible idea I love it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
