I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
