so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize