Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
