Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
