I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
