my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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