too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
