I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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