At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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