I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize