sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So squirting runs in the family.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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