Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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