Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
