Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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