Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
