i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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