hell yes lets make some ravioli
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
