Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
