Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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