Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
