come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
