Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
