I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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