no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
