...so i touched it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
