I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
