Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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