Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
