so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont even know how to be here
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
