I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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