I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
