Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
