I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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