you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
