..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
