How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
