people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
