Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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