come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize