im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize