my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
