if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
