Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
