no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
