just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
