So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
