Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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