Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
