it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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