Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
