Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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