Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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