Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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