theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
