sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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