In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
